A lifesaver....

Recently, I've totally lost motivation in my job. The past few weeks was the time for the end term tests, so we didn't have to teach. If I have a week off, going to school but not teaching...well, I appreciate that. I have time to check handouts, prepare the next lesson etc. However, it's been two weeks of no lessons, and next week's gonna be the same. We will have the term closing ceremony and students will start the holidays. 3 weeks without lessons, and without any information what we are going to do next term...so I can't even spend my time with preparations...so I started spending time thinking about decorating the English room.

It's called the "international language room" or something, but it only has the flags of the 5 English speaking countries: Canada, Australia, the U.K., the U.S. and New Zealand. I thought we could go a bit more diverse...after all English is not restricted to communication with native speakers only. 

Also the other NET, James, promised to bring a few nice posters, if he can find, from Australia. I hope he can get some colourful stuff. 

So, I'm practically bored to death at work these days. Having no classes is not fun. I try to contact the kids in the library, sometimes I walk around after school and chat a bit with the girls of the dance club, or any other club I ran into. The biggest lifesaver however, was cable TV!!! 

Doesn't help the situation at school, but at least I don't have to watch boring, irritating and ridiculous Japanese talk shows any more. My Prince ordered it through the internet last week. I didn't know it would take only a few days to get the device. He apparently had a day off that day, and when I went home, everything was in place! What a lovely surprise! And he wouldn't say anything about it, even though we texted each other a couple of times that day...LOL

Ever since, I'm glued to the screen: CSI: Miami, CSI: New York, NCIS, NCIS L.A., Bones, Sex an the City, Without a Trace, Criminal Minds, The Mentalist and N.Y.P.D. Blue. These are just a few of the TV shows I've been enjoying in the last couple of days. How refreshing!

I needed something, coz lately I've been pretty nervous jobwise. Since that fight with that female teacher I got pretty conscious of my accent, which makes me uncomfortable during the lessons, especially when I'm asked to practice the pronunciation of new words with the students. One of the teachers keeps inviting me and James to participate in his lessons, which I enjoy, except for the pronunciation practice part. Especially when a native speaker is present... 

I didn't have a problem with that initially, but the last two years I've always been compared to native speakers when it came to interviews and employment. I've had enough. I'm really happy there is another foreigner at my school, coz it makes me feel less isolated, but I'm worried about them comparing us to each other. I'm sure they do. That's human nature, we always compare things, people...everything. If I won't get a good evaluation at the end of the year, and they don't renew  my contract, I'm screwed. It's been bothering me for a while, and some of you might say I'm paranoid, but this is a job that took me 5 years to get (sadly that 5 years took a toll on my motivation level, that I'm trying to get back now with different kinds of therapies) and I can't afford to lose it. And if anything, I learned in the past few years not to trust anyone here, especially employers, and especially government related employers.  They say one thing, they think something else. That's how it works here. 

James has been here only for a few month, so he is totally not homesick, is full of energy and as I said before he is a gentleman. And he had no nasty experience of prejudice (except for the general things, like Japanese people wouldn't sit next to you on the train and so on.) I'm here, homesick, tired and not very tolerant, also having a low level of motivation...So, I really hope that my trip back home, going to give me new energy, so when I came back, I can be more like him. I can be tolerant again, I can be more friendly, and worry less about things. I really should change my attitude. I just feel angry most of the time...I guess it's the stress that just accumulated inside me, and I have to get rid of these negative things. and when I come back, I'll start the belly dance lessons at the dance school, to keep my spirits up, hopefully.  We will see. 

Anyway, I can't wait to go home for summer vacation!!!